Ways to Be More Assertive- A Positive Approach

Introduction:

Assertiveness is an expression that allows you to keep your point of view effectively. It gives you the ability to respect the rights and beliefs of others and still speak your feelings and take a stand. Being assertive can make you confident and allows you to convey a clear message calmly and respectfully. Some people are naturally fierce, but there is nothing to worry about if you are not assertive. You can still be one.

What Does the Term Assertive Means?

Assertive means expressing your opinions, thoughts, feelings, and beliefs clearly and calmly so that people listen and follow what you say. An assertive person is strong-headed, confident, strong-willed, and sometimes pushy. For example, have you ever gone to buy a car and come across a car salesperson? Have you noticed how conveniently they direct their views, mold and blend us to their beliefs, and agree with us on buying the particular car?

It is the best example of being assertive.

How to Be Assertive?

Try speaking your mind, ask for things you want, and never settle for anything less.

But what if a person is reserved and shy? You can be yourself and still try asking for things you need, take a stand for the one you disagree with, and keep your views. There should be a mixture of the right amount of assertiveness, respect, and intelligence if you want others to listen to you.

How to Be Assertive at the Workplace?

Imagine a scenario of the workplace.

While working together, we all face conflicts. Some of us are assertive and speak for ourselves, while others accept the situation and go with the flow. You can speak what you like, point out the ones who interrupted you while you were working, how frustrated you felt post that, what all things make you angry, and how unappreciated you feel sometimes.

But speaking up can be challenging, especially if you are shy or reserved.

Not speaking might lead to anger, stress, and loss of interest. Thus, it is not a solution.

So what can be done in such situations?

What to Do to Be Assertive?

1. Assess how assertive you are by taking feedback from your friends, family, and relatives.

2. Take small steps and achieve them.

What Not to Do to Be Assertive?

1. Considering that assertiveness is always good.

2. Trying to rule over others' behavior.

3. Aggressiveness is under the roof of assertive behavior.

What Impact Does Assertive Communication Hold?

Assertiveness is an effective way of communication, based on mutual respect.

Being assertive reflects that you respect your thoughts and feelings and are well aware of the rights and beliefs of others. How you say matters the most instead of what you say.

How you deliver your speech is directly related to how people respond to it.

If you address a message aggressively, people will focus on how aggressively you spoke, and the message you wish to convey will be lost. Thus, assertive communication is direct and respectful and gives you a chance to portray your thoughts and feelings.

What Is Assertive and Passive Behavior?

If you are shy or non-assertive (passive), you will end up with the crowd to avoid conflicts.

This behavior conveys a message of how the least important role your thoughts and feelings play, and how one can ignore your wants and needs. It is passive behavior. But how long can one say yes to everything?

This behavior may sometimes end up in toxicity resulting in internal conflicts, such as:

• Stress.

• Anger.

• Resentment.

• Lack of confidence.

• Revenge-seeking behavior.

Is Assertive Behavior the Same as Aggressive?

Both behaviors are pushy and forceful, but assertive is positive while aggressive is a negative approach. There exists a fine line between these two behaviors. Holding on to aggressive behavior imparts an image of superiority and how you neglect the feelings and needs of others. One might think that aggressiveness will give them whatever they want, but everything comes at a cost. You tend to lose respect and trust, and people agree with your point only because they are scared. Whereas, assertiveness means balancing passivity and aggression.

Tips for Adopting an Assertive Attitude:

1. Address Your Style:

• Do you speak for yourself?

• Are you quick to judge or blame?

• Do you say yes to additional work even when overloaded?

• Understand your style and mindset first, and then make changes.

• One has to get rid of false beliefs. Practicing the same keeps them away from becoming assertive.

2. Using I Statements: Make use of “I” in the statement whenever you make a request or express disapproval. For example, instead of accusing someone by saying you are wrong, say - “I do not see it this way”.

3. Say No:

• Do not hesitate while saying no.

• Be direct.

• Do not add an explanation after saying so. Keep it brief.

• When your schedule is already packed, say no.

• At first, saying no might make you anxious, but eventually, you will make up for it.

• Never assume what others will feel after listening to your no, as you are not rejecting the person.

• Express yourself in a considerate manner. It will make you feel good about yourself.

4. Practice, Practice, Practice:

• Some people might find it challenging to frame their feelings into words.

• Try rehearsing the same with your friends and family.

• Ask for their feedback and work on it.

• Eventually, you will be able to put your feelings into words confidently.

• Start rehearsing in front of a mirror. It helps.

5. Body Language as a Key to Expressing:

• Do you think communication is only through words? The answer is - no. Your body language speaks a lot.

• A confident face, a positive attitude, an upright posture, and eye contact have a lasting impact on the audience.

• Practice assertive body language as it is of much importance.

• Speak clearly, and loud enough to make your voice audible to everyone.

• Politely say what you think.

6. Emotions Check: When you are in a situation where you feel mentally or emotionally affected. Try breathing exercises (for a few seconds), stay calm, think and rethink, keep your voice even and firm, and put forward your thoughts. Even if somebody disapproves of your opinion, do not get angry. Either prepare a good response or else disengage from the person.

7. Baby Steps:

• Try practicing new skills first in front of the mirror, then with friends and family, then at work.

• Review yourself at every point.

• Please keep track of it and improve.

• Start with short, simple, to-the-point statements.

• You have to get the attention of your audience.

• Once you feel comfortable in low-risk situations, jump to the next step.

8. Set Actionable Boundaries: Establish boundaries. Assertiveness means putting forth your views and requests (in a respectable manner). One should never confuse it with aggressiveness. Thus, setting boundaries will always help you and will never put you in conflict. Passive people usually do not have any set limits. As a result, others take advantage of it.

9. Pump Yourself Up: Do not underestimate yourself. You will not value your thoughts and needs if you are a negative self-talker. On the other hand, if you appreciate your words, others will do the same. One has to understand this as negative self-thought is preventing their growth.

10. Take Responsibility: Do not wait for somebody else to fix your problems. Take action and change the things you find inappropriate. If you are unhappy with something, work in the right direction to correct it.

11. Do not Expect: People cannot read our minds. So do not expect that they will get everything without you saying it. If you want something, ask for it. If you are unhappy with something, speak against it.

12. You Are Not in Charge of Everything: It is not your job to take control over others' behavior. Only that person is responsible for his actions. So stop taking blames on your head. Once you realize this, you will feel less stress and anxiety.

13. Assertiveness Is Time-Dependent: No magic will happen overnight. So, you have to be consistent, persistent, and keep on trying.

What Are the Three Cs of Assertive Communication?

The three Cs are:

• Confidence - How confident you act (body language), and your ability to handle conflicts and situations.

• Clear - Your speech should be direct and clear to understand.

• Controlled - The way you deliver your information should be a calm, controlled approach. Always be polite. Keep a positive attitude, and people will hear you.

What Are the Benefits of Assertiveness?

Assertive communication offers various benefits. They are:

1. You feel less stressed.

2. You will gain confidence and self-esteem.

3. Earn respect from self and others.

4. Improved decision-making skills.

5. Gain more job satisfaction.

6. Improve your communication skills.

7. A healthy work-life balance.

Consider a Situation:

A friend of yours keeps on asking for monetary help. You helped him several times, but now you want to eliminate it. You would like to spend the money on yourself instead.

Let us see the response from different communication styles:

• Passive: Sure! I will help you.

• Aggressive: I am tired of helping you. You never do anything for yourself.

• Assertive: I am not going to be able to help this time.

Conclusion:

Assertiveness is a communication style where you keep a direct thought, make a request, state an opinion, and accept that others have the right to say no or disagree. When you are assertive, you are honest with people. It is a way of expressing yourself. If you do not like something or if something bothers you, you speak up. All these things are done calmly and respectfully. Learning to voice your opinion and respect your thoughts and beliefs will turn you into a confident person. Not always the result of assertiveness will come positive, sometimes the request might get rejected, and other times you might have to make compromises, but such things will lead to more empowerment and control over your life. We all have come across assertive people, and we even admire them. We can be the same by practicing assertiveness. Assertiveness is a learned skill. It follows a simple rule - you do not ask for it or get it.