Introduction:
When referring to the term ‘boundaries’, the first thing that pops up in one’s mind is a line, fencing, or a brick wall that is used to keep trespassers away. Boundaries in psychiatry are a form of self-care that, when set and appropriately maintained, can keep away trespassers of life like disappointment, resentment, and anger. Setting boundaries lets others know how one likes to be treated and enables them to anticipate how one would behave. Being clear about what one wants or does not want can keep relationships as well as one’s mental health balanced.
What Are the Different Types of Boundaries?
The following are the different types of boundaries:
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Physical: Physical boundaries include things like how and who must be allowed to touch. It also involves deciding who must be allowed in one’s personal space. Examples include phrases like, ‘Please do not hold my hand’, or ‘Please do not stand close to me’.
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Emotional: Emotional boundaries include the right to privacy, deciding what thoughts and emotions should be shared, and refraining from sharing anything that one does not want to. Examples include phrases like ‘Kindly respect my privacy’, or ‘I am not comfortable sharing about that issue’.
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Sexual: Just like physical boundaries or verbal comments, it is important to set sexual boundaries. An example of a sexual boundary is ‘I do not feel comfortable with sexual jokes’.
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Financial: It is one’s wish to decide how and what to spend and whether or not to give loans to others. It is also not necessary to tell others about how much one earns and what is spent. Examples of financial boundaries are: ‘I am not fine with giving loans’ or ‘I am not comfortable talking about my salary.’
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Religious: The religious customs and beliefs that one believes in and shares with others are based on their will. Examples include: ‘I do not eat that because of my religious beliefs’ or ‘I cannot come at that time since I have to attend a religious service.’
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Digital: One has the right to protect their privacy by deciding what content they share on digital media, how much time they spend on it, and what access they give to others. Examples include: ‘Please do not touch my laptop’ or ‘I do not like my photo to be shared on social media’.
What Are the Benefits of Setting Boundaries?
Maintaining healthy boundaries have the following benefits:
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Helps improve self-esteem.
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Avoids burnout.
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Promotes independence.
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Helps attain a great sense of identity.
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Helps to get clarity about oneself, what one wants, values, and other belief systems.
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Helps focus on one’s well-being.
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Improves mental and emotional well-being.
Boundaries are essential for maintaining good mental health. When one possesses the ability to take accountability for one’s actions or feelings, particularly when they relate to other individuals’ actions or feelings, it is an indicator of having strong internal boundaries. Instead, if one feels anxious, angry, or resentful, it could be a sign of weak external boundaries, and it could mean that one is being continuously pushed beyond their own limits and values. Boundaries enable one to grow and help preserve one’s mental and emotional energy.
What Are the Factors That Influence Setting Boundaries?
Boundaries are influenced by the following factors:
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Culture or heritage.
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Region or country where one resides.
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Family dynamics and values.
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Life experiences.
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Whether one is an introvert or extrovert or somewhere in between these two.
One can retrospect and define their boundaries through self-reflection. Self-reflection includes identifying what one’s rights are, what one’s instincts instruct, and what are one’s values.
How to Set Boundaries to Protect Mental Health?
Everyone at some point in their lives has experienced a situation in which they feel out of place or mentally exhausted because of someone. That is because they have intruded into one’s boundary and have created chaos. The following are some ways to set up one’s boundaries:
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Being Assertive: The boundaries set should be firm and assertive, but one must feel kind to others. Assertiveness conveys a clear and nonnegotiable message to the listener without threatening or blaming them. For example, ‘Keep your hands off my diary’ may sound rude. Instead, one can say, ‘I do not feel comfortable if one touches my diary since I value my privacy and would like to record my thoughts in private’.
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Retrospection: To create and maintain boundaries successfully, it is important to retrospect one’s self and analyze what things interfere with one’s peace and how setting boundaries can benefit one’s emotional well-being.
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Begin With a Few Boundaries: Setting too many boundaries at once may not work. It can initially be difficult and be a sort of trial-and-error method. Beginning with a few boundaries and assessing how they work can help create new boundaries further.
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Being Consistent With Boundaries: Consistency is the key in every situation. Being flexible can result in confusion and can create new demands and expectations among one’s friends, relatives, or colleagues. Consistency strengthens original thresholds and makes sure that these boundaries are strongly anchored.
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Self-Time: Spending some time alone is also needed sometimes. This provides enough time for retrospection and also rejuvenates the mind.
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Let Others Know if Boundaries Are Crossed: Communication is important in boundaries, particularly if someone persistently intrudes on one’s boundaries. It should be kept in mind that the concerns have to be raised in an assertive but kind manner and not in a confrontational way. For example, if someone keeps calling continuously, one can reply by saying, ‘I can understand that you really want to reach out to me, but the best thing would be to drop in a message, and I will get back to you when I am free.’
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Engaging in Activities of Interest: Boundaries can have a strong foundation if one relaxes by doing activities they love, like painting, singing, dancing, and so on. Doing things that one loves releases a happy hormone called serotonin. These activities help create a peaceful mind.
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Learn to Say ‘No’: Sometimes, one might feel reluctant to say just ‘no’ without providing further information. It is fine to say just ‘no’, which lets the listener know that one is not interested in it and they would not push them further.
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Safeguarding One’s Things: Safeguarding one’s things like setting passwords for personal devices, setting a cut-off time for answering emails or calls, keeping private items in a locked box or a cupboard, and so on are ways of setting boundaries.
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Take Help: Setting boundaries can be difficult at times, especially when implementing it with someone who is affected by depression, anxiety or has a history of trauma. In such cases, or in situations where one feels that others are crossing their boundaries despite trying a lot, one can seek the help of a mental health professional.
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Do Not Be Too Obsessed With Boundaries: Not setting boundaries can affect mental health. Similarly, getting too obsessed with boundaries and following the way dictated by them can also be detrimental. At times, it is better to abide by one’s instincts.
How to Identify the Boundaries of Others?
Just as it is important to set personal boundaries, it is crucial to respect others’ boundaries as well. The following are some of the ways to identify the boundaries of others:
Look Out for Cues: Be it physical or verbal cues, one must pay attention to others’ cues. Some of the possible cues are as follows:
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Stepping back.
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Avoiding eye contact.
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Limited response to the conversation.
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Turning away.
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Too much nodding.
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Wincing.
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Sudden high-pitched voice.
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Nervous gestures like talking fast, talking with hands, or laughing.
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Stiffening posture or folding harms.
Neurodiverse Behaviors: The term ‘neurodivergent’ refers to those living with developmental disabilities like autism (Autism Spectrum Disorder or ASD is a developmental and neurological disorder that influences one’s interaction with others). Such individuals have difficulty initiating a conversation and maintain poor eye contact. Different individuals can have different cues. Some may use a particular gesture all the time, may have different cues, or may be unable to pick up others’ cues.
Always Ask: One can respect the boundaries of others by asking if they are fine if one uses their laptop or whether they could be asked a personal question, and so on.
Conclusion:
Setting boundaries is a way of self-care that helps preserve and protect one’s mental health and prevents individuals from pushing themselves beyond the limit. It not only involves setting personal boundaries but also involves respecting the boundaries of others as well. One can initiate setting boundaries by starting with a few boundaries and being consistent in implementing them. Having said that, one should not be driven by their boundaries all the time. One should maintain a healthy level of boundaries and should not be too obsessed with it.
