How to become strong enough and not get affected by others?

Question

Hello doctor,

How to become strong enough so that you do not get affected by what other people say. I know I should not allow others to interfere but how to prevent myself from hurting by it? Sometimes I meet with people who become like stone and get unaffected, what makes these types of people so different?

Answer 1

Hello,

Welcome to icliniq.com

I read your query and understand that you feel concerned about people hurting you.

I will suggest some facts which will enable you to control your feelings and perceptions about people. First of all, what you say to yourself will impact you rather than what others say to you. If someone gives you a harsh remark about your appearance there can be two kinds of thinking patterns. Let's say two people react differently to similar situations.

1. Negative Thinking: For example "he wants to let me down which is unbearable for me". This negative thought may make the person feel hurt or down. Consequently, this feeling may be apparent from his expressions or behavior such as facial grimaces or aggression.

2. Positive Thinking: For example "he wants me to improve myself that's why he pointed out my weakness, I'll work on it and definitely he can be my well-wisher" (there can be any kind of positive statement appropriate to the situation at hand). This positive thought will create feelings of happiness, concern, goodwill, and this may also be reflected by a person's expressions or actions such as smiling, saying thanks, or giving some positive remark.

You see, here the situation was similar for both persons but the only difference was positive or negative thinking which made the scenario completely different for the two persons. Remember, the next time you face any situation like that, just make a positive reframe for yourself (like I gave you an example you can say anything positive to yourself in the face of a difficult situation) and remind yourself. You will observe clear differences in your dealing with people as you do it regularly. To make it easy, you can write on paper some positive statements, and read them daily so that they become automatic in your mind. Practice this exercise every time you face a critical scenario or on a daily basis as you get free time. Try to find out the negative thoughts you were thinking at that time when you faced difficult people. Then, convert it into a positive thought. Revise this positive thought the next time you face similar kinds of people. I hope this information is helpful to you. Do take follow-up if you feel the need.

Thank you.