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Things That You Must Never Tell Your Children

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Things That You Must Never Tell Your Children

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Parenting is a difficult job; having kids, providing them with a healthy learning environment, and giving them value is very important. Read the article below.

Medically reviewed by

Dr. Sneha Kannan

Published At May 22, 2020
Reviewed AtDecember 22, 2022

Introduction:

Children are very vulnerable creatures. Hence, positive and effective communication with them is very important. Even if parents are very frustrated or have had a bad day, it is important not to use certain words or statements that will have an impact on their children throughout their life.

What are the Things That Parents Must Never Tell their Children?

Following are certain things that parents must never ever tell their children if they really want them to be successful.

  • I Wish You Very Never Born in the First Place

This is a very harsh and hurtful statement that one can ever tell their child. They start feeling that their very own existence does not matter to anyone. They start developing low self-esteem, and their confidence level starts dropping. Hence, never ever use this statement in front of the child.

  • I Wish You Were Clever Like Your Sibling

Passing such a statement not only makes the child feel unworthy of themselves but also starts building feelings of jealousy, unwanted fights, and hatred towards their own sibling. Remember that all five fingers are not the same. If the child is not that good in their studies, parents can help him out in his studies. But passing such naive comments will not do any good either. If the child is good at sketching, parents can help them build his or her interest by making him or her take up such hobby classes in his or her part-time, along with helping out with studies. But remember, constant comparison among siblings is not good.

  • You Were Born Unplanned. We Did Not Want You

Telling children such things will make them feel that their own support system (their parents) does not love them enough, and the child constantly starts feeling that they were just a mistake and that their parents will not care for them anytime. Hence, avoid telling the child such things ever.

  • Please Do Not Cry Like a Girl or Crying Is Only Meant for Girls

Please avoid gender roles when it comes to crying and expressing one’s feelings. Parents are suppressing feelings by telling the male child that crying is only for girls. Next time, the male child hides his pain and does not express things to the parents. Instead, ask the child politely as to what is the matter that is bothering him and that both would find out a solution together for it.

  • You Are Stupid or Silly

Never call the child stupid. Even if the child has committed a mistake, there are ways to explain to the child to help the child improve himself or herself. Calling the child stupid or passing negative remarks will make the child feel useless and good for nothing. They will be afraid to try out new things the next time. Hence, it is advisable never ever to call the child stupid anytime. All are human beings, and all tend to commit mistakes at some point or the other, but that does not make anyone stupid or silly.

  • Never Ever Complain About Your Spouse to Your Child

People may sometimes have arguments and fights with their partner or spouse, and they tend to complain about their partner to their children. Little do they realize that the child is too young to handle this situation. We still keep telling them about how one’s partner behaved in an inappropriate way. In the long run, because of this habit unknowingly, the child starts disliking that parent, and it may spoil their relationship. Hence, never ever complain about the spouse to the child.

  • Telling Your Child That Your Friend Has Scored Much Better and That He or She Could Have Done Better

Never make the mistake of telling the child that his or her friend has scored much better and that he or she could have done better. It leads to a sense of constant peer pressure and jealousy among children. They might even stop liking that particular friend whom they keep comparing the child with and might stop building a friendship or playing with that particular friend because of this constant comparison being done. Instead, as a parent, it is essential to recognize and appreciate the efforts made by the child.

  • You Should Always Be the Best at Everything

Right from when the kid joins preschool, parents sometimes unknowingly create a rat race for them, wanting them to be the best in everything. It may be studies, sports, or extracurricular activities. Parents should never create this extra pressure among children. They are kids. Let them enjoy their childhood. Tell them that it is completely fine if they were not able to get a particular score or if they did not win a particular game. Tell them that their efforts matter the most and that their efforts will always seem very important. If parents constantly pressurize them to be the best, they might also be a victim of depression at a very young age. So it is very important for the parents to be aware and communicate with their child.

  • Never Tell Your Child That They Are Good for Nothing

Avoid passing statements on the child, saying that they are good for nothing. Every child is unique, and God has blessed everyone with some kind of talent. Some may be good at singing, and some may excel at studies. Some may really be good at sports. That does not mean that the child is good for nothing just because he or she does not excel at studies.

  • Never Tell Your Child Constantly That They Are a Burden to You Staying in Their House

Constantly telling the child that they are living in the house and are supposed to do this and that. This will actually make the kid feel like a big burden on their parents. They may actually start feeling very worthless and will slowly and gradually develop very low self-esteem and a low confidence level.

Conclusion:

Parenting is very important as it helps in promoting the physical, emotional, social, spiritual, and intellectual development of a child from infancy to adulthood. A child's mind is very easy to manipulate and has a lot of potential to learn and grow. As a parent, there are certain things to keep in mind while dealing with a child.

Frequently Asked Questions

1.

What Things Parents Should Never Say to Their Children?

These are the things that parents should never say to their children -
- Comparing their children with other children or their siblings.
- Blaming children for not getting enough rest or sleep.
- Blaming children for financial conditions.
- Creating a competitive environment between siblings. 
- Asking them to excel in academics and not participate in other interests constantly. 
- Forcing their choice of profession instead of supporting their child’s dream.

2.

What Things Can Damage a Child’s Sentiments?

Some parents can be harsh and damage their child’s sentiments by saying things like -
- Telling them that they did not want them to be born in the first place.
- Asking a boy child not to cry like a girl as crying is only meant for girls.
- Asking a girl child to focus more on her looks and household works as working is only meant for boys. 
- Telling them they are good for nothing or could have done better.
- Some parents also criticize their children for their looks and body.

3.

What Are the Things That Should Not Be Shared With Kids?

Although a parent and a child have a lifelong relationship, there are things that a parent should not share with their children until they feel they are ready to understand, such as -
- Parents should never share their financial problems with small children.
- Any information related to money and security should not be shared with small children.
- Any personal information of the family that parents think the child will not understand at that stage should not be shared.
- Parents should also not discuss their sex life with their children.
- Any past mistakes that the parents think the child is not capable to understand at that point should not be shared.

4.

What Things Can Only a Toxic Parent Say to Their Child?

A toxic parent can be a child’s worst nightmare, and the following are the features of a toxic parent -
- Criticizing their appearance by saying they are fat or skinny.
- Telling them they are a disappointment and cannot do anything right.
- Telling them that no one will ever love them or they deserve nothing.
- Blaming children for their own problems and saying hurtful things like they should have aborted them are the reason for their wrecking marriage, or they are the biggest mistake of their life.
- Telling the child that they gave up their dreams to raise them.

5.

What Is Toxic Parenting?

Toxic parents create a negative and toxic environment at home for their children. They often use fear, guilt, and humiliation as tools to get what they want from their children. They are always neglectful, emotionally unavailable, and sometimes abusive to their children.

6.

How Can a Parent Gaslight Their Child?

Sometimes a parent can criticize their child for something and tell them that it is for their own good or it is because they care for and love them. Some parents can use this type of gaslighting to manipulate their children and get what they desire from them.

7.

What Yelling Can Do to a Child’s Brain?

When some parents yell at their children, not only it hurts the child or make them sad and scared, but it can also cause deeper psychological issues which get carried into adulthood. It can also make the child develop anxiety issues and lead to depression.

8.

What Are the Do’s and Dont’s of a Parent?

The following are the ways to ensure happy parenting -
Do’s -
- Give them proper attention.
- Showing love towards them.
- Praise them.
- Help in improving their social skills.
- Support them in their choice of profession.
Don'ts -
- Avoid too much pampering.        
- Do not compare them with other children or their siblings.
- Do not bribe them with toys to do something good.                      
- Do not neglect their shortcomings.
- Do not mock them or overpraise them in front of others.
- Parents should never fight in front of their children.

9.

What Are Some Common Mistakes a Parent Can Make?

Parenting can be complex, and some parents often tend to make common mistakes -
- Minimizing their child’s feelings.
- Always saving their child from failures or neglecting their weaknesses. 
- Overindulging in their child’s every activity and not giving them space.
- Not setting a parent-child boundary.
- Expecting perfection in everything from their child.

10.

What Are the Things a Parent Should Not Let Their Child Watch?

Parents should always try to minimize the time of watching television or mobile phones with their children, and the following things should not be entertained -
- Any sexual content.
- Any program with bad or abusive language.
- Any program with violent crime scenes.
- Any program with nudity.
- Adult cartoons.
- Any content that promotes alcohol, smoking, or drug abuse.
- Any program that is unethical.

11.

What Are Some Rules That a Parent Can Follow?

The following rules can be followed as a parent to bring a happy and positive parenting environment for their child -
- Parents should try to explain their decisions and not enforce them on the child.
- When encountering bad behavior from the child, parents should try to handle the situation calmly and not fight back in response. 
- Parents should never burden their children with their expectations. 
- Assign equal chores to each child. 
- Help the child to work on their weaknesses.
- Acknowledge their fears and help them to overcome them.

12.

What Strict Parenting Can Do to a Child?

Strict parenting can take a child’s opportunity to internalize self-discipline and responsibility. It is true that putting harsh limitations can control the child’s behavior, but it will be temporary and will not help the child to learn self-regulation. Instead, these harsh limits can trigger resistance to taking responsibility for themselves. Strict parenting can also develop anxiety issues and low self-esteem in children.
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Quadros Krystel Godfrey Lavina
Quadros Krystel Godfrey Lavina

Dietician

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parentingchild behavior
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