Loneliness in Single Parenthood: Addressing Mental Health Challenges

Introduction:

Becoming a single parent deals with lots of changes that one needs to cope with, irrespective of gender. There can be mixed emotions of sadness, frustration, anger, grief, shame, guilt, shock, and fear. There might also be a few individuals who might feel excited, hopeful, or relieved about the new phase of life, especially after facing a lot of conflict and stress with the other partner. Single-parenting involves having little time for oneself, which can affect one’s mental health. There can also be changes in the child’s behavior that need to be dealt with care.

What Are the Common Struggles Faced by Single Parents?

The common struggles faced by single parents are as follows:

• Self-Doubt: Single-parenting is accompanied by lots of self-doubts. Without the other partner, there can be no one to offer feedback, advice, or observe the parenting. This could lower the confidence of the single parent and increase the doubt about whether their method of parenting is appropriate. If a child is showing a particular developmental or behavioral change, the single parent may hold themselves responsible for the change in behavior, thinking that they did something wrong.

• Taking Decisions Alone: A single parent may be pushed to make any decisions, small or big, alone, which could make them feel stressed. Though they might discuss their issues with friends or family members, the ultimate decision-making authority with regard to their child lies in their hands, and they may fear the consequences of making a wrong decision.

• Financial Constraints: One of the major worries of a single parent is over money. This stress can be further fueled by the need to find a reliable babysitter so that they can work full-time. The medical bills, cost of housing, food, and clothing may seem to be a burden.

• Tough Co-parenting Situations: Co-parenting involves facilitating a relationship between the other parent and the children, which might mean traversing through a potentially tense and complex relationship. This can be managed by charting a written parenting plan, keeping the conversation business-like and revolving around the children, taking the help of mediators to negotiate disputes in parenting, following the court orders and arrangements, especially in the case of trauma or past abuse, and arranging pickups and drop offs at a public place or a relative’s home.

• Poor Support: Managing a child by two parents can help maintain a balance in parenting. But, this balance can be lacking in single parenting. Emotional support from friends and family members can be beneficial for both the parent and the child. Instead of self-isolating, a single parent should focus on reaching out to safe and trustworthy friends or relatives to establish emotional support, foster relationships, and deepen the connection with them.

• Previous History of Trauma: Previous experience of traumatic situations in the life of a single parent can further worsen parenting. This can increase the likelihood of anxiety (excessive and continuous worry and fear about situations in everyday life) and post-traumatic stress disorder (a disorder in which one fails to recover after witnessing or experiencing an unpleasant event).

• No Time for Self-Care: A single parent may have less time for self-care, doing relaxing or fun activities. For a person who is going through loneliness, poor self-care can aggravate feelings of loneliness. Humans are naturally social beings, so it is normal to feel lonely when one stays away from being social. A single parent may hesitate to socialize with others due to the fear of being judged or ridiculed.

What Is the Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs) Score Factor?

Being a single parent is stressful not only for the parent but also for the children. Young children may not understand the situation and may find it difficult to cope with the change in the situation. Based on the frequency, severity, and how the condition impacts the everyday functioning of the parent, mental health conditions in parents are scored based on the adverse childhood experiences (ACEs) score factor. It is an indicator of the impact on one’s physical and mental health in childhood and adulthood. This encompasses increased chances of developing chronic (long-term) diseases like cancer, heart disease, and diabetes.

Individuals with high scores of ACEs can have poor sleep cycles, and there can be a high incidence of depression, substance use disorder, tobacco usage, early parenthood, anxiety, and the risk of unemployment. A study shows that children with high scores of ACEs may face difficulty at school due to the following:

• Academic delays.

• Behavioral issues.

• Difficulty communicating their needs in social situations.

What Are the Positive Aspects of Being a Single Parent?

Being a single parent does not always mean dealing with stressful times. A few positive aspects of being a single parent are as follows:

• The child reared by a single parent becomes mature and responsible.

• The single parent will feel confident and self-reliant in the long run.

• The bond between the child and the parent increases.

• Single parents try to focus more on positive parenting techniques.

• Single parents focus on positive-problem solving strategies rather than punishing their children when they indulge in inappropriate behaviors.

• Single-parent families tend to rely less on traditional gender-specific roles than two-parent families.

How Can Single Parents Deal With Loneliness?

Single parents can deal with loneliness in the following ways:

• Take Time to Adjust: It can take some time to adapt to the new changes, and it is normal for one to take ample time to process their feelings of separation or loss of the loved one. Sharing one’s feelings with someone close can help one gain some relief.

• Move On Gradually: Thinking about all aspects of single parenting, like planning the child’s future, moving to a different locality, switching to a better job, and so on, can be too much to handle in the initial days. It is completely fine to put off certain things for a while till one gets over the grief or feelings of separation.

• Focus On Self-Care: Self-care is very important, and it does not mean being selfish. Entrusting the baby to a babysitter or a family member and spending time with friends or doing other activities that one loves can help relax the mind. It is acceptable to take a day off from work and rest when one feels very tired. Single parenting is not about overstressing oneself.

• Join a Support Group: Joining support groups can enable one to make new friends, share or take ideas from other people, and establish relationships with other single parents as well. Developing a relationship with other single parents can make it easy to share one’s worries with them since they might also be facing similar struggles and challenges.

• Turning Deaf Ears: Societal judgments and comments on being a single parent can further add to the misery and prevent a single parent from socializing with others. One must learn to stay calm, relaxed, respectful, and consistent regardless of what others comment. Surrounding oneself with positive and supportive people can boost confidence and help one deal with loneliness.

• Stress-Management Techniques: Stress-management techniques like massage therapy, yoga, meditation, acupuncture, breathing exercises, and so on can be practiced. Engaging in activities that one is interested in, like painting, hiking, traveling, singing, or dancing, can also calm the mind and reduce stress.

• Spending Quality Time With the Child: Instead of maintaining a gloomy environment in the house, a single parent can focus on spending quality time with the child, which would benefit both. Playing games with the child, going for short walks, doing shopping together, chatting about their friends at school, reading out their favorite books, and so on can divert the mind of the parent as well as make the child feel loved and valued despite the prevailing situation.

• Focus on the Strengths: Single parents will feel more resilient and confident if they start setting realistic goals, be reminded of how they had tackled various struggles in the past, and identify their strengths. Setting new goals for the child and themselves can help create a positive outlook about one’s future.

• Therapy: One can always approach a counselor or a therapist for help. A therapist or a counselor can assist one and guide how to deal with emotions and also chart out ways to cope with stress, depression, and loneliness.

Conclusion:

Single parenting can be tough and might require a lot of effort and going through tough times. But, one need not traverse this phase alone. Being lonely, neglecting self-care, and refraining from doing activities that one loves is not going to help one in any way. There are many ways to pull oneself out of loneliness, like joining a support group, spending time with friends, practicing stress-management techniques, and so on. Sometimes, small talk with a fellow single parent can feel rejuvenating and boost one’s confidence. Single parenting can, in fact, allow plenty of time to be spent with a child and strengthen the bond between the parent and the child. A single parent can always take help from a counselor or a therapist if they find it difficult to cope with stress and loneliness.