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My daughter is very sensitive and lazy in all her activities. How to change her behavior?

The following is an actual conversation between an iCliniq user and a doctor that has been reviewed and published as a Premium Q&A.

Medically reviewed by

Dr. Preetha. J

Published At November 4, 2020
Reviewed AtJanuary 18, 2024

Patient's Query

Hello doctor,

My daughter is 16 years old. Three years back, she attended menarche. She is very sensitive, fear all things, and always cries in every incident. She is too lazy in daily activities, like bathing, brushing, etc. This laziness reflects in her studies also. I hope this will change as she grows, but this went worst during the lockdown period. She did not complete her daily activities and studies. When I saw her, she always concentrated on studies; we think no time to spend other activities even to relax. She is taking more time to complete all the daily activities than others ( I will not compare; for example, I told normal girls taking time to do this work in 15 minutes means she is taking 2.30 hours.

Initially, I think she is a slow learner, so it takes time to manage, but it is reflected in every single work, not only studies. So many times, I advised to plan the work and execute it within the time limit. She says, "sorry, mom and I will do hereafter," and she will cry, but there are no changes in her activities. The same answer is given for not only me, whoever advised her. I think she entirely depends on me. I educated her to do her activities independently; if it is right or wrong, I do not bother, but the result is negative. My fear is if she continues like this, she might lose her confidence and might never be an independent girl. I am spending time with her and discussing all the things, but there is no change. I am trying to find a way to make her life without fear of facing the world. Are these issues related to the mind or any other deficiency? She is not interested in participating in cultural or physical activities. So, I am not forcing to do. I am a single parent; this also the reason for her. I do not know; I am confused about how to find the solution. Please help me to get rid of this problem and find the right way for me.


Welcome to icliniq.com.

Please reply to my queries,

1. How is her mood from the last three months?

2. In what activities she is more interested, encourage her to do that.

3. How is her progress in school?

4. Did you get any complaints about her academics from school?

5. What is your profession?

6. How many friends she has?

7. She is staying alone, or is she always engaged with her friends? What type of personality?

8. You mentioned that you are a single parent; what about your husband? This will also impact on child's mental health.

9. Is there any psychiatric illness in your family members?

10. What about her sleep and appetite?

11. What about her interaction with you?

12. Did she make any suicidal threat to you?

13. Her Hb (Hemoglobin) is 9.5; it also causes laziness, irritability, not interested in work, and concentration; please take care of her Hb.

14. Is she has any over bleeding at the time of periods?

15. What about her IQ (intelligence quotient) level?

16. What about her activity level in childhood?

17. Take care of her obesity.

18. Is there any bullying in her school?

Please do not compare your child with others; that will show a significant harmful impact on her life.

Please reply to my queries.

The Probable causes

Broken family. Low Hb level. Obesity.

Investigations to be done

Please send investigation, Complete blood count. Check USG (ultrasonography) abdomen to rule out PCOD (it causes obesity).

Differential diagnosis

Mixed personality trait.

Probable diagnosis

Mixed personality trait.

Treatment plan

Please reply my queries so that I can start my treatment.

Preventive measures

Yoga, and regular exercise do not compare with other improve her hemoglobin.

Regarding follow up

As early as possible, please reply my queries.

Patient's Query

Hello doctor,

Thank you for your reply.

Here I replied to your queries.

During the lockdown, she is also very lazy for the past two years, with no focus or attention on the activities she is doing. She likes to dance but not much interest in that and feels shy in learning or dance in front of others. Even she feels scared to do yoga or exercise in front of me. Now she is studying the first year in higher secondary. Till the ninth standard, she kept her grade well. When she started tenth, she did not maintain her grade and health issues like diarrhea, stomach pain, vomiting, etc. (done endoscopy reflux and colonoscopy, results were normal). Yes, they gave more than five assignments and tests conducted from the last three months. She did not complete even one assignment fully. Incomplete and submitted. For an assignment that needs to be submitted in one week, she took more than a month.

I am working in a private company as a medical coder. She does not socialize well. She has not more than three friends, but only one friend is close to her. She is staying alone. So many times, I asked why you do not chat with your friends and mingle with your classmates. She says her friends are not understanding, talks to her only if they need something from her. Encourage her to do regular exercise, spend time with your daughter, be friendly with her, and encourage her to make more friends. Take her to any social gatherings, give her healthy foods, promote late night sleep, practice good sleep hygiene, and avoid mobile at least one hour before bedtime. There is no psychiatric illness in my family. No issues in her sleep and appetite, but last months, she goes to bed by midnight 1 am due to her assignment work. I hope she interacts with me in the right way because she loves me a lot, and she knows, My struggles in bringing her up. Yes. Mostly when I say I will discontinue your studies if you did not submit your assignments. Every month, she has bled for six to seven days.

I did not get her IQ level tested. But from her responses to some basic questions or ways of doing her daily activities, she has a poor IQ and low memory. Her activities were normal as a child. She is not an adamant or aggressive kid. As a kid, she was a quick learner and understandable. Sorry, I have updated my weight; she is 51 kg. No such incidents she reported about bullying in her school, apart from regular fights within friends.

I already told her to walk daily for at least 30 minutes, but that one day she is doing, and another day she will neglect. If I asked to do, she would say, "the evening I will do mom," then in the evening as "surely tomorrow will do" as she will skip. The other day she will say she is having leg pain. After five to six days later, she walked but not consistently. Please give the treatment to cure well, and also I am ready to change from my side for her.

Thank you.


Welcome back to icliniq.com.

It is not a psychiatric disorder. It is a personality disorder. But it is not at a disordered level; it is in personality trait. Personality traits will be there in every individual. There is no need for any treatment. Your daughter has a mixed personality problem that, too, in trait level not in disorder level and as you are a divorce that also shows some effect in personality. So at this level, there is no need for any treatment; if you want, you can meet a psychological counselor, or you can do a video chat with me for further clarification for a better assessment of your child.

Investigations to be done

Personality assessment test.

Treatment plan

Please continue Haem Up (Iron, Folic acid, and Glycine) syrup to improve Hb levels and consult a gynecologist if there is excessive bleeding.

Preventive measures

Encourage her to do regular exercise, spend time with your daughter, be friendly with her, and encourage her to make more friends. Take her to any social gatherings, give her healthy foods, promote late night sleep, practice good sleep hygiene, and avoid mobile at least one hour before bedtime.

Regarding follow up

Follow-up with a psychological assessment report.

Same symptoms don't mean you have the same problem. Consult a doctor now!

Guruvamsee Krishna. Avvaru
Guruvamsee Krishna. Avvaru

Psychologist/ Counselor

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