I am concerned about my wife's angry behavior. Please help.

Question

Hello doctor,

I am a 31-year-old man. My wife is also 31 years old. I have been in a relationship with her for the last eight to nine years and out of which three years, we have been married. We have been in a long-distance relationship before we got married. She is short-tempered, and I know that as we know each other for a long time. But after marriage, when started living together, and if we have an argument any sort of that leads her to shouting, throwing stuff, abusing, hitting, hurting herself, and threatening to commit suicide. Whatever the argument is, it leads to the same. I cannot even share this with someone else because I think that people might get her wrong. I know she had a troubled childhood as her father died when she was six. It is going on, and now I am too stressed out with her behavior. When she gets angry she tries to do a lot of stuff like cutting herself and banging her head on the wall. I am worried if by chance any accidents will happen. I love her, and I do not know what do to. Please suggest me some way.

Answer 1

Hello,

Welcome to icliniq.com.

I have gone through what you have shared. I understand that you are going through a very tough time and are concerned about your wife. I understand you want to help her and which is very genuine. But with a case like this, unless the person wants help we cannot do much about it. First, your wife has to understand that something is odd and she should be willing to get help. Once these two steps are done, then a professional psychologist can take it from there. If she is willing, then you consult a psychologist. If she is not, then the first step is for you to calm down and try to understand her perspective. I am sure you have been doing this for a long time. The idea is that she starts trusting you to show her ways to be calm. Both of you can go for yoga or some meditation. This helps in calming the mind and some form of exercise, to release extra energy.

Thank you.