How is a break-up situation handled?

Question

Hello doctor,

My habit of overthinking kills me and increases day by day after my break-up. All my ideas have failed to overcome it. Sometimes, I suddenly become irritable. You are my last option.

Please suggest.

Thank you.

Answer 1

Hello,

Welcome to icliniq.com.

I have read your query and can understand your concern.

You are going through tough times currently. A breakup, especially when it is not initiated or wanted by you, can lead to a lot of emotional distress. Overthinking usually involves these thoughts.

Why was there a need for a breakup?
Can I go back and undo it?
Will I find love again?
Will it be as good?
Have you made a mistake?
Does she think I am a bad person?

I did not get a chance to explain myself, and I did not get answers to my questions. These are just a few common thoughts that go through the mind after a breakup. They may or may not be exactly like yours. But usually, there is one major thought that keeps on repeating. You have to focus on that.

Here are a few tips for you to think about. Accepting the fact that nothing is guaranteed. Love relations can break. A smooth separation is not always possible, and that is fine; you are not a lesser person because of the breakup. You are still what you are, with all your good qualities and skills. One breakup does not make you a bad person or a person less worthy of love. Do not attach your identity to a love relationship. This is very important. Your identity as a man will have to be independent.

External happenings or other people should not decide who you are. Forgive yourself and your ex. This forgiveness is for you, not for her. You do not have to forget, but forgive. Forgiveness means letting go of the demand that the past should have been or could have been different.

Think about this. Do not stop social activities. Do not push friends away. Make more friends, get to know more people, and expect everything. Take care of your health. Do not go into a victim mode. Eat better, exercise regularly, and resume activities you used to like. Do not try to contact your ex if you have broken up completely.

Keep an attitude of 'wait and watch.' Do not try to check her online profiles or activities. Delete any numbers you might have. Remove all reminders of her. This is going to help you. Focus on what you are doing currently. If you are into education, focus on that. I am sure you will be fine soon.

I hope this answers your query.

Let me know if I need to assist you further.

Thank you.