Thank you doctor,
I am having these symptoms for a week. I am levelheaded and I can think clearly. But I am easily triggered and I experience anxiety. I have lack of sleep during the night. I also feel like I am trying to process these events and emotions in all places. I am communicating a lot more with others about my trauma and I am trying to process a lot of things which is not stressful. I hide my abuse for over seven years. I am paralyzed and after being provoked and gaslighted so many times.
I did passive suicidal ideation and slipped off from the balcony during a fight. I am working with a therapist to talk space and she is been helping me for a few months. She saw progress in me and I decided to get off my Lamictal and Abilify. I am doing good and socializing more. However, still, I have problems with eating, drinking, sleeping, and racing thoughts at night. I can think clearly about the future. I want a positive life despite being in a wheelchair and my trauma.
My sleep is awful for two hours at night. I have a lot of self-guilt from being gaslighting. I often think that I am an abuser and it is my fault and so I contemplated suicide. I have a lot of self-hate. I blame myself for my ex abuser relapsing and using heroin. I feel worthless. I am often writing in my mind that I am truly crazy or I am thinking rationally because of all the psychological abuse had for the past seven years. I often forget about my trauma and have to remember what happened.
Sometimes I feel like I am living in a traumatic moment, or I feel dissociated. I have a good support group however and I hide all this abuse from my friends and family for years. I did not know that I was being abused. I always come clean to my friends and family who are closest to me as they wonder how can I be quadriplegic for so long.