How can someone prevent jealousy?

Hello,

Welcome to icliniq.com.

I have read your query and can understand your concern.

I assume that you are very disturbed right now. Talking to a counselor or therapist can usually help reduce the severity of emotional disturbance and identify areas where you can think differently. I think you are comparing your progress with your friends. But you need to remember that everyone has a different and unique pace of life.

Some people achieve success too early and lose it quickly, while others may seem late in reaching their goals, but maintain their achievements.

Every individual has to figure out their own personal life purpose. Set some realistic goals for the short term and long term. Chalk out an action plan with clear steps and start working on it. Do not be discouraged by the progress that other people may seem to be making. That will not help you in any way. Do not put a condition on yourself that you must make progress equally as fast as your friends.

Here are some tips I would like to give you:

1. Start accepting yourself unconditionally. This means accepting yourself first as a human being with different qualities and skills and the potential to learn more. Do not put conditions such as ''I must do well always,'' or ''I must be equal to my friends.'' The idea of equal progress is, anyway, subjective, a personal opinion.

2. Set your goals for the next year. Divide them into short-term targets, like 3-month targets. Set your goals according to your needs, not comparing yourself to others.

3. Write down your exact action steps and study plan and start working on them. You can ask one of your friends to monitor your work and see if you are following the plan.

4. Stop telling yourself that you have no feelings. That is an assumption. Jealousy is a feeling. Instead, you should identify your disturbed feelings and try to ask yourself. What thoughts are leading to this feeling? Some of the feelings you might be having are disappointment, sadness, and anger towards yourself or the situation.

When you say you cannot feel anything, it is most likely because your mind has learned to go into a 'freeze mode' to protect you from disturbing feelings. This can happen to emotionally sensitive people, and it can become a habit if you do not take action now.

The freeze mode, or emotional numbness, can stay for a longer time, even after a particular situation has changed. The way to escape the freeze mode is to allow yourself to feel the emotional disturbance first. Acknowledge your disturbed feelings. If you can, write them down on paper. Then, try to focus on the thoughts that lead to disturbed emotions. You will have to modify those thoughts.

Here are some new thoughts; you can start thinking and make a habit of thinking that way. With all that is happening to me or around me, I accept myself totally and unconditionally. Whether I am ahead or behind others in life, I am still a human being with good qualities and skills, with the potential to learn more. If I am not able to enjoy my life as much as others seem to be enjoying theirs, it is still fine, and it does not mean I am less worthy than they are.

I can start fresh and work hard according to the goals I set now. If my friends are ahead of me, that does not mean they are better or I am less. It does not mean I do not deserve a good life. I accept the fact that life is long and uncertain, with its challenges and rewards. I take complete responsibility for my state of mind and do not blame it on outside circumstances.

I hope this answers your query.

Let me know if I need to assist you further.

Thank you.