Thank you for sharing your feelings. I would like to assure you that there is a way out and you do not have to keep feeling depressed this way.
Let me start by saying that you are feeling depressed, not because of an external situation, but because of your thoughts about the external situation. The external situations are nothing happening as per your choice, no one listening to you and you cannot do what you want.
To understand this better, please consider the following:
If you imagine 100 individuals who have the same external situation similar to yours, do you think all of them will have disturbed feelings exactly like you? The answer is no. Some of them will be much more disturbed, while some will be much less disturbed than you.
Why is that? It is because, as mentioned above, external situation does not cause emotional disturbance. Our own thoughts and beliefs about the external situation leads to disturbances such as feeling depressed.
Knowing that your own thoughts create emotional disturbance, it gives you the power to change some of the inner thoughts and beliefs, which will eventually lead to feeling better. An ideal goal is not to feel nothing, but to be able to manage the emotional disturbances.
The process of psychotherapy involves detailed examination of thoughts and beliefs in the mind which are creating disturbed emotions. Once those irrational beliefs are found out, then we can replace them with rational, helpful beliefs and thoughts.
This leads to a long lasting improvement and gives you the power to go through the same external situations without getting much affected.
It is not in the scope of this message to discuss everything, but I would like you to think about the following questions.
What was the most recent incidence when you felt depressed or jealous? Describe the event. May be someone said something or you saw something, thought about something or read something somewhere. May be you wanted to do something, but could not do it. Please think about a recent incident when you were feeling very depressed.
What were your thoughts during that incidence? Write those down. The more details you write, the better it will be.
Try to find out if you have thoughts such as I must be able to live my life as per my wish, otherwise I am nothing or I see people enjoying their lives so much. It means they deserve it more than me.
I encourage you to take out some time for this activity, take pen and paper and jot your thoughts down, especially the points I mentioned above. You might find out that there are certain demands you carry inside of you.
If these demands are not met, you may be associating them with not being a worthy human being. Additionally, you might also be telling yourself strongly that you are not able to tolerate this situation. All these thoughts can lead to feeling depressed and jealous, not the external situation.
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