How to overcome insecurities, loneliness, and lack of focus due to relationship problems?

Question

Hello doctor,

I am presently in the first year of my college. When I was studying in school three years ago, I was overweight, and I started to exercise and diet. I managed to lose 20 kg, and I was in shape. But after two years, I had dengue and did not do the proper treatment as my brother had a severe injury, and my parents could not give me more attention. At that point, I stopped taking care of myself and gained so much weight that I am 103 kg right now. In the past two years, I have had many problems. I have a boyfriend who met me once when I was thin after losing weight, and it is a long-distance relationship. From then, after gaining weight, I have never sent him a full body picture, as I was afraid that he will know that I have gained a lot of weight. Our relationship is going really nice, but now as he posts more pictures, he does not allow me to post any of my pictures on social media or anywhere. Now he is getting more followers, and it is making me feel more insecure and needy. Not only this, this year I lost my uncle, and he was murdered by someone two months ago, which is creating lots of family pressure. Now I am going for bariatric surgery. I sometimes feel positive as I see my life and future, but it is taking a lot of time, and all negative thoughts are coming into my mind. I am feeling insecure and alone. I am also not able to go to college for a month, and my studies are lagging behind. I want to do many things, but I am not trying. Please help me if you can.

Answer 1

Hi,

Welcome to icliniq.com.

I thoroughly read your query and understand your concern.

Due to ongoing stress, you gained weight again, and this is causing you to feel bad. Due to these thoughts, you are feeling insecure. This is the reason for mild depression. Since you are in a relationship for quite a long time, you can tell your boyfriend that you have gained some weight but, this issue will be resolved in some time. This will reduce the guilt in your mind and also reduce insecurity. It will help in making your mood better, and you will be able to think positively. Bariatric surgeries help in losing weight, and once the excess fat is removed, then you can focus on exercise and dietary management, and you will be in fit condition again. There is nothing to feel bad about this. Even if you are overweight, that is not a thing to feel stigmatized.

Hope this has addressed your concern.

Thanks and regards.