During a troubled phase of marital life, it is important that couples deliberately and dedicatedly give attention and work towards improving their relationship as they face turbulence in their love and romance. Also, they should not hesitate to take expert help.
Do we need to meet a marriage counselor? Will my spouse agree to this? These are the common questions that couples usually struggle with when they pass through a troubled phase of marital life. Generally, a common answer people give to themselves is, let us give some time, and when the existing living conditions improve, so will our marriage. But, challenging situations never end in life, and they just change their identity from time to time. Hence, it is important that couples deliberately and dedicatedly give attention and work towards improving their relationship if they face turbulence in their love and romance.
Some of the effective tips for rejuvenating marital life are like giving more time to your spouse, spending quality time together, and having a daily dialogue about your feelings for each other and your lives together rather than discussing your activities that day.
However, if things do not work out, then couples should not be hesitant to take expert help immediately. I suggest some of the signs that could tell couples that they should meet a marriage counselor.
Every decision needs a sign. Married couples confused about whether to opt for marriage counseling can lookout for the following signs and make the right decision. Few of the clear signs indicating marriage counseling are,
1. Negative Communication
This happens whenever a couple tries to talk to improve their relationship. The communication between couples becomes negative, and they end up arguing, accusing, and hurting each other. At times, a partner tends to voluntarily do things to annoy the other, ending up in arguments. Hence, their communication gets limited to small talks related to kids, home chores, EMIs, etc.
2. Spouse Becomes a Roommate
When couples become more like roommates than a spouse, it indicates that they may need counseling. It does not mean that the couple is unwilling to stay together and they are in trouble. It means that there is a lack of communication, conversation, intimacy, or any other elements that the couple feel are important, and they believe they just co-exist.
Lack of communication can cause adverse effects in a relationship. It tends to cause irreparable damages, which in the future can become a topic for the huge argument. Communication is the key to a healthy relationship, and a lack of it has to be addressed in the early stages. This can also be considered as an indication that a skilled therapist can help them sort out what is missing and how to get it back.
3. Extramarital Affair
When one or both the partners are having extramarital affairs, they both decide not to end their marriage and come back to their spouse. Extramarital affairs probably result from many events that took place between the couple that led them to seek love from outside of the two. This generally ends up in separation, but a few couples plan to give their marriages a chance. This will ultimately require some counseling for them to get over the past and establish a healthy relationship.
4. Living Together for Children
Couples having an unhealthy relationship, devoid of love, end up staying in the marriage for the sake of their children. Such couples have to come to an understanding and take up marriage counseling to help themselves. Marriage counseling will help them deal with their differences.
5. Considers Separation as a Solution
When things between couples have turned sour, and they frequently refer to separation as the only solution left, then it is time that they immediately seek marital counseling.
6. Lying And Keeping Secrets From Partner
A relationship is built with the foundation of trust and honesty. Being honest and sharing events or information about their life will indicate a sense of trust and attachment towards the significant other. When one stops sharing information and lying about things of great importance, it precisely reflects the uncertainty in the relationship. Financial secrets are also included in this case. Keeping one’s finances a secret depicts distress in a relationship (though it is not essential always). It can be due to various personal reasons and is a sign that marriage counseling is needed.
7. Lack of Intimacy
Maintaining intimacy after a few years of marriage is a common struggle for most couples, and it is normal. But being intimate with your partner becomes a struggle, then it is a sign something is not good with the relationship, and marriage counseling becomes essential. Marriage counseling will help bring back the magic in relationships.
8. Annoying at All Times
Being annoyed by a partner’s behavior sometimes is totally normal. But constantly being annoyed by the partner's behavior, however small it may be, is a sign of approaching a marriage counselor to work on emotions and compatibility.
9. No Personal or Professional Growth
A relationship is considered to be healthy when both the partners benefit from it. A relationship should nurture both the partner’s growth in terms of personal and professional life. If one feels life is stunted, it is time for both partners to attend marriage counseling to work on their beliefs and eliminate the stunting qualities present.
Yes, marriage counseling does work magic. But it all depends on the involvement of the individual partners. Couples taking the step to attend marriage counseling is a sign that they want to work it, and this urge, combined with therapy, will work wonders. For some, they will not be willing to change any of their traits and do not work well. It is also important to attend all the sessions (minimum of 12 sessions) in order to be more reflective. How long the counseling is going to work depends on how far the couple takes the step to incorporate all the learned healthy marriage skills into practice.
With healthcare taking its big step in online services, online marriage counseling seemed to work for many.
Marriages include a lot of emotions. Going through problems in a marriage can be tough, but it is also important to address the issues right in the beginning. Leaving it unaddressed will result in bigger issues. Communication is always the key. It is advised to seek marriage counseling as early as possible to reap good benefits. Marriages are not perfect, and no couples are 100 % happy. If things are going out of hand to handle, it is the right time to seek a counselor.
Last reviewed at:
15 Jun 2022 - 4 min read
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