Q. How to handle my husband with effective communication?

Hi,

Welcome to icliniq.com.

I completely understand that you are facing a hard time dealing with your husband at times he gets irritated and you feel concerned about your baby if she gets affected by this attitude.

Here, I am telling you something related to psychological theories and research findings on how children form perceptions.

• Kids generally are very observant of their parent's behavior and communication problems. It never gets ignored once the child has listened, watched, felt and registered it in mind.

• The important thing here to note is the child observes both of her parents and makes an impression. If one parent is argumentative and other handles it gently, so that the issue is resolved in a humble manner from both of the parents then definitely it will give the child a sense that problems can be resolved in a peaceful manner.

• If one parent is irritable, abusive and aggressive in front of the child and the other does nothing to resolve the issue, then child will get a perception that things cannot be solved.

• If one is shouting and aggressive and the other parent also shouts in response, the child will get the idea that the only way to resolve the problems is to become aggressive and shout on others. Definitely, the child will adopt any kind of the above mentioned attitude in her later life to solve the similar kind of problems.

• Another important thing is, it depends on the child's perception how she perceives the problems and situations in life.

• If she perceives and attributes positively to her parents, then it will develop a positive frame of mind. And, if she perceives it negatively so the matter will affect her negatively.

• So, it is not always the parents who become the reason of the child's behavior. Children also have their own perceptions and personality, which defines about what the child will get in life.

• Therefore, both the things are important for a child's development that is the environment or the people around her and child's individual self and personality.

Communication pattern may gets disturbed if one or both of the partners are going through some stress, psychological problems or any sort of personality patterns which clash with each other.

Psychological assessment of both partners is necessary when there is a partner related problem. Together, you both can consult a psychologist (family therapist) for assessment, so that the communication patterns of both the partners can be assessed and guided towards positive growth.

Because, in case of only one partner suffering from psychological illness, individual psychotherapy is suggested. But, if both are having some psychological issues, first of all they both need individual counseling or therapy and when they complete the individual treatment, their partner related issues are worked out in couple therapy.

Do get your partner assessed psychologically and get confirmed your own diagnosis, so that you can get effective treatment before it affects your offspring.

Partner relational problem.

A research shows that the couple therapy or marital therapy is the best treatment for partner related problems or communication problems. Do take some couple therapy sessions to work on your communication patterns.

As you have mentioned that you are dealing with your husband since long time, I appreciate; the way you are handling is very well. Keep handling it gently. Here, I am giving you some tips to develop effective communication skills.

1. What you feel is very important to communicate with your partner, whether you feel positive or negative, do communicate it. But, the key to effective communication is the way you communicate it to your partner. For example, you are giving a positive comment in a harsh or loud tone, definitely it will give a negative sense and the next person will never take it positively.

2. In contrast, you talk in a low and humble tone. You can talk to your partner that you feel very concerned that if our baby will be affected by our words. She may not learn what we are saying in front of her and she might not get fearful of our loud tone. You do not hit the person directly, but try to tell your real feelings and concerns and then definitely it will give a positive sense.

3. The next person will never ignore your concern if you give him the sense that you respect his personality and you like him, but this particular behavior is unacceptable for you and you want him to be more likable.

4. Always use positive affirmations in your language if you want others to listen you. For example, I respect what you are going through, I am always there for you, I want to see you happy, you are a very nice person and any other positive phrases. If you start your talk with positive things and then lightly come to the negative aspect, it will definitely give another person the sense that you really want him to improve, rather than trying to hit or hurt.

5. Take care of your verbal (the words you say) and nonverbal messages (body language). If both are congruent, you will be considered true and genuine. If you say that I am happy, but your body posture or facial expressions say that you are not happy inside and something is wrong, then the next person will definitely believe on your body language and not your words.

I appreciate that you are concerned regarding your baby at this initial stage. Do take help to deal with the issues before it affects your child. Because, once the child's personality patterns are formed, then it is very difficult for the parents to reshape it.

For further information consult a psychologist counsellor online.---> https://www.icliniq.com/ask-a-doctor-online/psychologist-counsellor

Hi,

Welcome back to icliniq.com.

As you have stated that you both are 98% happy and fine most of the time and these minor irritations subside after a few minutes, there is indication that all these are a part of daily issues everyone encounters while dealing with a partner or a family.

Daily stressors or workload may cause irritation and argument among family members.

Psychological testing.

It needs to be differentiated whether his symptoms are clinically significant or is it a normal daily life matter.

What you both need is to visit a psychologist or a family therapist for psychological assessment. It is not always that a person suffering from confirmed diagnosis can go to a psychologist for help, psychological assessment clearly shows the need of any kind of treatment or if the issues are normal and do not require clinical attention or only a few sessions are required for counseling.

It is just like if you go to a psychologist for personality testing, career counseling, parental guidance or any other kind of knowledge about the self. So, the psychologist administers relevant tests and then shares the findings with you.

I suggest you and your partner get tested on anything which bothers you. Just go to a psychologist, tell about the problems and ask for relevant tests to be administered and then get the feedback.

The information you provided about your partner seems to be a quite normal daily life attitude, which anyone can exhibit. But since you are very concerned about him and your baby, it is always recommended to get confirmed findings of standard psychological tests before making any assumptions regarding the person.

For further information consult a psychologist counsellor online.---> https://www.icliniq.com/ask-a-doctor-online/psychologist-counsellor

Anyone can be apprehensive if observes something negative happening around. If some one perceives the situation negatively then there are 100% chances that negative thoughts will emerge in mind automatically. Negative Automatic Thoughts (such as: something terrible is happening, something will go wrong etc.) lead to negative emotions (such as worry, fear) and this affects our behaviors (such as avoiding the situations, being aggressive, argumentation etc.)

We need to check the validity of our thoughts. Check out the proofs: in favor of and against to negative thoughts.

One way to check out the validity of thoughts is how people around us think or say about the situation. Another way is to check by ourselves if we find no proofs to our thoughts then it is indication there may be some contradictions to our negative thought. Find more proofs against your Negative Automatic Thoughts.

This helps us to test the reality. If we find more contradictions and no proofs to negative thoughts/beliefs, our mind gets prepared to believe that there may be other ways we can see that situation. When we see the situation differently (or positively) then the consequences (behaviors) are also positive.

Insufficient information to diagnose.

Above Strategies I've mentioned to test your thoughts is a part of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, which is the most recommended treatment for your problem.

You are advised to take cognitive behavior therapy sessions from a psychologist.

Detailed assessment of your thoughts and alternative positive thoughts will be suggested when you work with a psychologist to find out solutions for problems you are facing in real life circumstances.

Do start taking therapy sessions from a psychologist. The more time we give to our negative automatic thoughts, the stronger they become and then it gets difficult for us to change our beliefs/thoughts.

Do take follow-up if you need further information.

Best Regards.

Same symptoms doesn’t mean you have the same problem. Consult a doctor now!

Mehwish Mursaleen

Experience: 12 + Yrs

Psychologist/ Counsellor

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