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HomeAnswersPsychologist/ Counselorpartner relational problemI am confused about getting divorced. Please suggest.

I am confused about my decision of getting divorce. Kindly help me.

The following is an actual conversation between an iCliniq user and a doctor that has been reviewed and published as a Premium Q&A.

Answered by

Lakhani Kiran

Medically reviewed by

iCliniq medical review team

Published At May 21, 2017
Reviewed AtJune 19, 2023

Patient's Query

Hi doctor,

I have asked my husband for a divorce. I am not happy or in love with him. For eight years, he was into gambling and hardly contributed to our household. He has now stopped gambling for around three months since he found out that I was talking with another man. I have been trying to convince myself to love my husband again since he has changed, but I could not. He is now trying to make me feel guilty and is threatening me. We have a son aged 7. Am I a bad person by seeking a divorce in order to find my inner peace and happiness? Should I stay with my husband out of guilt and pity just because he has stopped gambling and remembered that he has a family?

Answered by Lakhani Kiran

Hello,

Welcome to icliniq.com.

Thank you for writing to us. We are happy to help you. I have gone through what you have shared, and it seems that you are going through a difficult time with regard to your husband. I understand how it feels to be in a relationship which is not giving you anything and it is only taking away from you. When you say you have asked your husband for a divorce, did you do that legally or just verbally? A relationship needs efforts from both sides and as per the information shared by you, you are the only one who has been taking care of your son alone and looking after the household. Did he take money from you for gambling or is he working? Is there any other kind of abuse involved in your relationship? Taking a decision as to whether should you stay with him or not depends entirely on you. However, to take this decision what will help is to weigh all pros and cons carefully, and if possible take advice or suggestion from someone who knows both of you and can still stay objective. Also, it is important to think about the kind of future you are looking for in your life. Does that include your husband? Regarding the feelings of guilt that prop up, are they what he is inducing or are they your own? Do you feel you would be doing something wrong by getting out of this relationship? Answering the above questions will help you get clarity as to what should be done next and what would be best for your future.

Thank you.

Patient's Query

Hi doctor,

Thank you for your reply. The feeling of guilt is due to that he has quit gambling for the last three months and now helps financially, treating me nicely, and yet I cannot feel in love with him. The wounds are too deep. I feel pity for him that if I divorce him, he will be sad and destroyed. He understands that I seriously want a divorce. He says things for me to feel sorry for him and when these words are not working, he begins threatening me. I understand he is hurt now, but will he eventually calm down and accept what I want? Am I selfish? Should I just stay with him and be miserable for the rest of my life for him not to suffer? We also have a son aged 7.

Answered by Lakhani Kiran

Hi,

Welcome back to icliniq.com.

I understand that it is hard to take a decision. Your husband is making your life easier and at the same time expecting all the past to be forgotten just like that. And you find it difficult to forgive and forget what has happened. I would again suggest you pen down the positives and negatives of your marriage and share them. Out of whatever you have shared till now, the positives are he has stopped gambling and started contributing at home monetarily. The negatives are reminds you of the past and make you feel guilty for wanting to have a divorce. Please add to the list and take a decision wisely.

Thank you.

Same symptoms don't mean you have the same problem. Consult a doctor now!

Lakhani Kiran
Lakhani Kiran

Psychologist/ Counselor

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