I always fantasize that my wife has an extramarital affair. How to overcome this?

Q. I always fantasize that my wife has an extramarital affair. How to overcome this?

Answered by
Mehwish Mursaleen
and medically reviewed by iCliniq medical review team.
This is a premium question & answer published on Apr 12, 2018 and last reviewed on: Jun 26, 2023

Hello doctor,

I am suffering from a mental disease in which I always think that my wife will be in an extramarital affair and get back with her boyfriend. How can I overcome this situation? I masturbate when I think about it. In the past, I used to suffer from thoughts that all the girls cheat and use boys for their benefit.



Welcome to icliniq.com.

I completely understand that you feel concerned about negative thoughts coming into your mind related to your wife and girls in general. There might be negative experiences related to the opposite gender which might have a negative influence on your mind and you have developed such beliefs which cause interpersonal difficulties with your wife in current situations. The first thing you can do to change your beliefs is to go in-depth into your past experiences that are affecting your present relationship. We relive past experiences and deal according to unhealthy copings we had developed in the past to deal with traumatic experiences in the present. This always has a negative influence on our present. You are suggested to base your perceptions according to your current life circumstances and avoid comparisons with past life because it will make your present and future worse. Secondly, as you experience negative thoughts such as 'my wife will be in an extramarital affair and get back with her boyfriend', you need to understand that these thoughts are just the product of your mind and might not be the reality. As you do not find proof, your mind will be ready to change these thoughts. Change them with positive or neutral thoughts such as "She is with me and has no reason to be with anyone. She is married to me, as she is getting along with me, and she loves me". This is just an example. You can suggest your own positive thoughts in your own wording. Practice these thoughts whenever negative thoughts pop up in your mind. Gradually your mind will start believing and you will develop healthy beliefs and thoughts which will positively influence your relationship with your wife. I hope this is helpful to you. Do take follow-up if you feel the need.

Thank you.

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