Hi,
Welcome to icliniq.com.
I completely understand that you are concerned about your sexual functioning. As you have mentioned that you are experiencing erectile dysfunction, a few things need to be clarified. It is not about getting aroused during a movie, remembering your ex-girlfriend, or imagining some scene. If your actual function in real life or sex life is disturbed, it may point toward erectile dysfunction or any other kind of sexual dysfunction. It may be due to psychological factors such as sexual abuse, mismatched partner, any beliefs of a person regarding sexual experiences, or physiological or medical reasons. To rule out the medical cause, you need to consult a gynecologist for testing. If the doctor confirms that you do not have any medical issues, then it is quite certain that your problem is psychological for which psychological treatments like sex therapy will help you to overcome erectile dysfunction. Further, the following information is required to understand better and diagnose your problem. Do you have any previous experience with better sexual functioning (it can be with the current or the previous sexual partner)? Did you ever get a complete erection with your current partner (without medication)? Or there are no such instances? The diagnosis can be erectile dysfunction, generalized or situational, or with a particular partner. When the cause for your condition is confirmed purely as psychological, the first step would be towards working on your beliefs or thoughts. Try to find out your negative beliefs regarding sexual experiences, for example, sex is not a pleasurable thing, I am not that much active or sexually intense as it is in the movies or porn, my previous girlfriend was the only girl who could satisfy me, etc. These examples will help you to find out your beliefs. When you are done with picking your negative beliefs, change them into positive thoughts such as sex is definitely a pleasurable experience, and I can enjoy it, my wife is beautiful or attractive, I like my wife and want to give her a satisfactory sex life, I can get satisfaction in my real life but not from the movies or porn. You can use some of the following tips for a better sex life. Think about some positive qualities in your wife. It can be physical characteristics such as beauty, smile, facial features, or anything you like about her. One important thing is never to compare your wife with others, especially with your ex-girlfriend, as it can be an interfering factor in your love with your current partner. Every individual is unique and has positive qualities, and so is your wife. Spend quality time with your partner. It can be, watching a romantic movie together or cuddling during the romantic scenes, etc. Hug or kiss her many times a day, not only when you are going to have intercourse, but all the time when you feel good about your wife. Compliment your wife. Praising her beauty, the food she makes, or anything she does for you which you like. Maintain complete focus on your wife during foreplay or sexual intercourse. If you have any thoughts which distract you from your wife, pick them and change them into positive ones (as mentioned above). Do communicate with your partner, what you like or dislike about sex, the things you want from the partner to sexually satisfy you, what she wants you to do, etc. They will also help you maintain focus during sex. Do make changes if you and your partner like some particular things in the room setting like dim lighting, colors, wearing special kinds of dresses in the room, etc. It will also help you focus better on your partner. It is very important that you get completely relaxed before the sexual encounter. Always foreplay (cuddle, hug, kiss, massage body parts, and genitals) before sex and make your partner ready for sex. Use aromas, perfumes, or creams which can help you feel more enjoyable during sex. Do use the above tips and learn more about how to make your sex life exciting. If you find any difficulty or feel that it is hard for you to implement, then go to a psychologist in your locality for a face-to-face session. Complete psychotherapy sessions to learn more about your condition and the strategies to overcome it. Any delay in the treatment may worsen your condition.
Thank you.