I am afraid of losing my sanity because of my emotionally abusive father. Kindly help.

Hello,

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Abusive relationships are quite painful to live in and survive. Especially when these are closed ones like father-child, siblings, etc., they left marked emotional pain through in life if left unhealed. I am afraid you did not mention anything about my mother. Her role here is also important to understand the core problem. It seems she is also one of the victims. As per your query, it is drawn that your father has extreme anger issues and needs help, but without having insight and motivation, it seems impossible to sort out. Sometimes when children and partner communicate the effects of such behaviors to the concerned person, he or she may felt embarrassed and try to resolve and change his behavior. However, in the present scenario, you are suffering a lot, and abuse has damaged your physical and psychological capacities in the form of eating disorders and aggressive, depressive thoughts. Thoughts of killing the abuser come in to avoid the pain you are currently in, but it, later on, converted into extreme guilt and shame. Following suggestions might help to minimize the damage. Consult professional counselor and have regular sessions to channel out your concerns and catharsis as you have much to say. Remember there are a lot of things in the world which you cannot control at some stage of life and then you have just to let go and keep moving on until the time comes when you can at least control the harm if not change the situation. So my advice is to complete your education, protect your siblings, and wait till the time comes where you can protect yourself. You need to find relaxing things around you so your anger issues can be healed such as physical excercice, walk, healthy diet, hanging out with friends. Do journaling as venting out your feelings, look for positive aspects of your father's behavior, every person has both elements. Hate the behvaior of the person, not the entire person.